Divorce can shatter a person’s expectations for the future. A person who is divorcing will no longer be who he or she expected to be. Divorcing can alter the trajectory of a person’s life, which can leave former spouses feeling lost and attempting to discover who they are in their new lives. Giving yourself the space to grieve what has been lost and taking care of yourself while you work toward healing will help to promote a healthy transition from married life to single life. If wondering how to find yourself after a divorce has caused you to hesitate in taking the steps needed to start your new life, an experienced family law attorney may be able to help. Consider contacting the Colorado Divorce Law Group by calling (720) 593-6442 to schedule a consultation.
When a couple gets divorced, each spouse loses his or her identity as a married person. Even if the divorce was what a person wanted, he or she may still experience painful feelings from the loss. Divorce can leave a person feeling mentally and physically exhausted, struggling to decide how to move forward. Common feelings after a divorce include:
Having negative and unpleasant feelings during and after a divorce is normal, according to Mental Health America. Facing an uncertain future can be frightening. However, as time passes, the intensity of these feelings should lessen.
Divorce can make a person feel like a failure, and failures can be hard to move past. Judging oneself harshly can only make an already difficult situation worse. In the days, weeks, and months following a divorce, it is important to do things that support your mental and physical health and help you to feel better overall. Take it easy for a while. Try not to place too many demands on yourself. When a person is not functioning at an optimum level due to major life changes and stress, that person will need time for recovery.
Good self-care promotes a person’s overall well-being and is essential for successfully dealing with stressful life events like divorce. Some of the most important components of self-care include:
If you find yourself stewing over bad feelings, distract yourself by shifting your focus onto something else. When you need a mood boost, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine, improving physical health is important. Other options to try include:
Going through a divorce can be a stressful experience. Research shows that environment often has an effect on a person’s moods. Therefore, an unpleasant environment tends to make people feel anxious, sad, or hopeless. A pleasant environment can have the opposite effect. Research has found that about 66 out of 100 people seek a natural setting for relief when they are burdened with stress.
For many people, being in nature help to reduce bad feelings and increase good feelings. Sustaining longer periods of good feelings helps to bring balance to the bad feelings. As the bad feelings start to weaken, the person has an opportunity to begin healing.
After a divorce, those who were previously married may feel unable to recognize who they are anymore. Although there was an individual before the couple was married, most people define themselves as part of a couple while married, making their individual selves secondary to the marriage. Now, even though there is still an individual after the divorce, some time may be needed to find out who this new person wants to become. A person’s interests, likes, and dislikes may no longer be what they were during the marriage or even before. Long-term goals may change drastically. The newly unmarried individual may no longer want the things that used to seem important. Old or new interests that seemed impossible before may now be attainable.
If you are not sure about how to sort through everything on your own, a family attorney from the Colorado Divorce Law Group can connect you with available resources that might be helpful. Counselors, therapists, life coaches, online forums, and support groups can provide insight as you deal with difficult issues, identify values, establish priorities, and implement desired changes.
Divorce can be a major life change that might provide opportunities for other major life changes. Deciding how to find yourself after a divorce may involve quitting a job that you hate and going back to school to earn a degree that will let you do what you really want to do. Another way to find yourself and promote healing could be getting out of the city and finding a quieter place in the country, somewhere you had always wanted to live. A different person may feel drawn to the city and away from the country. Other milestones that a newly single person may want to achieve can include learning a second language or trading in long hair for a shorter cut.
A divorce can pave the way for other personal changes that can be rewarding. Trying new and different things is a good way to help people figure out who they are and what they want. As you learn from new experiences, your self-esteem will grow. Feeling good about yourself can encourage further exploration as you build your new life after divorce.
C.S. Lewis said, “You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” Divorce may be the end of life as you knew it, but it can also be the start of a fresh life filled with unlimited possibilities for growth and discovery. Taking it easy for a while and being good to yourself can help to relieve an otherwise difficult time and prepare you for what comes next. If you are considering divorce and want to know how to find yourself after a divorce, consider contacting a family law attorney at the Colorado Divorce Law Group in the greater Denver area by calling (720) 593-6442 to learn more today.